Forever left behind
There are no simple people in my life.
Simple people don't need or want me. Simple people think I'm too deep, brooding, or critical...take your pick. Simple people, too, are unrewarding and predictable. "A" causes them to do "B" and they will forever break their necks because they want the cheese. I am not a Shepard of the Simple.
That leaves the rest. The complicated. The broken. The dejected. The offended. The betrayed. Unto these have I been called...and by these will I be left....and I suppose that's the way of the world. Once the bird's broken wing is mended, it leaves the nest. It doesn't need you any more...if it ever really did in the first place.
I have often mused at the people to walk through my life. Most of them have been people who I have loved intensely. People for whom, come hell or high water, I would embattle myself. Reciprocity was nice, but not always given...and even that is okay. There have also been those for whom hatred would not have been too strong a word. There have never been people who affected me neither one way or another.
God has asked me to help his children. For my entire life he has placed me in relationships of need and made me the primary giver. I have been a conduit of grace, love, and mercy for many...some of whom later told me, while at the time I was unaware. That is what I do. More so than that, it is who I am, in Christ. God has provided for people through me. God has mended many wings by directing my hands and heart. Many are soaring......and I remain on the ground.
Each time I am left...I thought it would become easier. Each time some one moves on, I pray for a sense of relief and detachment and joy at the healing. Each time I feel true joy in seeing them go, and pray sincerely that the inevitable heartache won't set in.....but it always does....and I'm afraid it always will.
People move on. They have lives, boyfriends, girlfriends, family, friends...but I remain a remnant of their past. A, hopefully, positive memory on the fading horizon of what was their present.... I don't know how much longer I can handle it.
Simple people don't need or want me. Simple people think I'm too deep, brooding, or critical...take your pick. Simple people, too, are unrewarding and predictable. "A" causes them to do "B" and they will forever break their necks because they want the cheese. I am not a Shepard of the Simple.
That leaves the rest. The complicated. The broken. The dejected. The offended. The betrayed. Unto these have I been called...and by these will I be left....and I suppose that's the way of the world. Once the bird's broken wing is mended, it leaves the nest. It doesn't need you any more...if it ever really did in the first place.
I have often mused at the people to walk through my life. Most of them have been people who I have loved intensely. People for whom, come hell or high water, I would embattle myself. Reciprocity was nice, but not always given...and even that is okay. There have also been those for whom hatred would not have been too strong a word. There have never been people who affected me neither one way or another.
God has asked me to help his children. For my entire life he has placed me in relationships of need and made me the primary giver. I have been a conduit of grace, love, and mercy for many...some of whom later told me, while at the time I was unaware. That is what I do. More so than that, it is who I am, in Christ. God has provided for people through me. God has mended many wings by directing my hands and heart. Many are soaring......and I remain on the ground.
Each time I am left...I thought it would become easier. Each time some one moves on, I pray for a sense of relief and detachment and joy at the healing. Each time I feel true joy in seeing them go, and pray sincerely that the inevitable heartache won't set in.....but it always does....and I'm afraid it always will.
People move on. They have lives, boyfriends, girlfriends, family, friends...but I remain a remnant of their past. A, hopefully, positive memory on the fading horizon of what was their present.... I don't know how much longer I can handle it.
posted by rOmiLaYu at 10:14 AM
7 Comments:
You have been an extremely postive person and role model in my life, and I don't think that you have received the full extent of my appreciation that you truly deserve.
Thank you so much for everything you have said and done for me in the past 6 years.
Ever thought of the people whom you've left behind as a remnant of your past? You, too, have left to soar while they have remained on the ground. 'Tis a wonderful tapestry our Father is weaving. The threads of our lives sometimes just cross, sometimes run alongside, and sometimes intertwine, and sometimes do all three at different times in our lives. Some threads are with us for just moments, some for years. We grieve at the loss of the nearness of some of those threads, but God's tapestry is so richly luxurious that there is no place that it is "threadbare."
you will handle it, because God will remember you, and have compassion for you...you should know that there are those who look at you and see someone who has soared already and is soaring even now; you have the propensity of leaving people behind just as they have of leaving you.
your not the past.
And you wont be for a long time. a very long time.
Seeing isn't being there. It's not the same. I'm still sad.
Oh, and sorry it was soaked. You're officially allowed to throw it away, even though matchbox 20 says you won't.
oh no, i'm sorry, i wasn't meaning to imply you at all. i understand completely you're busy, and i don't mean to bother you when you have so much on your mind. if there were anything to forgive, which there isn't, then i would of course forgive you. ah, the lit meet. those are good memories for me; what are they for you? madness? tear-inducing chaos? i still have my drunk paper swan because i stuck it in the book i was reading while i was there. the drunk paper swan lives!
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